if you’re reading this post, I probably wish your fucking self was dead. alas, everyone’s fucked.
1597) that feeling just after you stop hitting yourself and lie back and feel the rush and feel the bruise forming and you can’t help but smile
such a wonderful feeling, honestly.
oh my gosh. SO. TRUE.
^^^^^^this^^^^^^^
just cut for the first time in a year. with a can opener on a pocket knife. my favorite tool. my boyfriend was so proud of me last week when I told him it had been so long since I’d cut. he hated that I was bruising myself, but he was glad I wasn’t doing this anymore.
and of course, bitch I am, I’m gonna pass it off as my cat did it. but it helped. it really did. I was just in tears, and I cut, and the crying stop.
it’s been a while since I last took out my carving kit (doesn’t carving just sound so much more creative and okay?)… it’s still got kleenex with dried blood dating back nearly ten years now.
I’m just trying to figure out where else I can cut that there’s not too high a chance of my boyfriend seeing it and/or that’ll be easily explainable… after all, my cat doesn’t scratch me in six neat rows.
tomorrow, I WILL:
- wake up at 9am, no excuses.
- make myself a breakfast of one fried egg (150), 2 slices of bacon (70), & one slice of toast (90) w/ 1T apple butter (45) = 355
- get on DDR and burn off at LEAST 500 calories, and honestly, that’ll probably be it, because I’m terribly out of shape
- drink at least 32 oz of water WHILE playing DDR
- take a shower, shave mah legs
- blowdry and put my hair up
- make a large travel mug of black coffee (10)
- look for a birthday card for my dad
- help my boyfriend pick up his couches
in your life, you’ll do things greater th-
SHUT THE FUCK UP TAYLOR SWIFT! YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE! I AM NOTHING! I AM GOING TO AMOUNT TO NOTHING! I WILL DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EVEN REMOTELY WORTHY OF BEING CALLED GREAT, CERTAINLY NOTHING GREATER THAN ANYTHING ELSE! I AM NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!
